Saturday, September 24, 2011

Registering for weddings feels like waxing your scrotum

So this whole registry thing has been a disaster from the get go. Everything about the wedding seems to be wrong according to others. We aren't getting married in the right place, or cheaply enough, or doing anything right. But with registering, at least we could do one thing right. Right?
So we decided to register at Bed Bath and Beyond and Target. Nothing in this process has been easy or right. In my imagination, we would be given a scanner and go around the stores to pick what we would like. Neither place works that way exactly.
First, Bed Bath and Beyond, they sit you down in a small office with someone who goes through many books of stuff with you. None of this stuff has prices by it, so you tend to go with what you like. Then you get home and find out the crystal glasses you chose are 60 bucks a glass, which is utter bullshit. Then your mother tells you that no one is going to want to get you anything on your list, particularly the china that fiancé has dreamed about owning for her whole life.
So you go back online and find shit that is a bit more reasonable, yet compromises what you originally wanted so you feel like you are just giving up.
Then you go to target to register for stuff, but your body rejects it and craps while in the store and you leave. When you try again another day, their wedding registry is down. So then you decide to just go online and pick stuff. You spend hours and hours on it, partly because of the amount of stuff, partly because every time you pick something, the system takes a couple minutes and button clicks to put it on your list.
So at long last, you are done.
Except you're not.
If you are lucky, a friend informs you that pretty much everything on your list is only found online and has Target's ungodly shipping charge involved.
Son of a bitch.
After Fiance quits crying about yet another failure in wedding plans and how nothing is ever good enough for anyone as we prepare to get hitched, you go to the nearest target with your list in hand and get the scanner yet again. This time, you have to do it alone because Fiance is at work and can't handle yet another trip to the soulless behemoth to correct another "mistake." People in the store ask you questions like you work there because you have a scanner even though you don't wear red.
You finally pick out some things that are somewhat close to what you wanted, again compromising your hopes and desires. You get home and spend another 2 hours deleting the old stuff that is only online, then find out that even some things you scanned are out of stock. Fiance finds some of the stuff we wanted is actually in WalMart stores, and we debate whether to add another registry just for the dishes we want.
At this point, you decide to find the nearest knife and start cutting some veins, because at least that is something you can do right.
It seems that so much of wedding planning is trying to please others that won't have any of it, and we hoped the registry would be a bit of fun to focus on ourselves and what would make us happy. Unfortunately, it has done the opposite and made us unhappy.
What has made us happy is fiance's new job and benefits. She finally met with HR and in short we will be saving 10,000 a year on healthcare alone in this new job.
Last rambling sentence in this stream of consciousness blog entry to mention the squirrel and blue jay outside the apartment who seem to be having a gentleman's disagreement.

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