My Dinner with Gourmet

Part one: in which we “win” a free vacation to Cancun and dinner for two

I’m learning a lot this year about what it means to be engaged and part of planning one of the largest events of our lives.

Along came our first wedding show hosted by Valley News Live in Fargo. We went to this free event figuring we might actually win something. The show was held in Fargo’s Civic Center, a convention building with large open rooms filled with wedding vendors. I had imagined an event where we would get some good ideas for the wedding, perhaps some cake samples or decorating tips. Instead, it was like walking through the yellow pages. Except in this case, the businesses could see you. And there were no free cake samples.

We were asked by a few places to schedule times to try on dresses or register for gifts. On top of that, the place was a special kind of hot that makes your self-control particularly pliable. “Yes, sign me up, please, as long as that gets me through this crowd faster and back out into the hallway where I imagine there is air.” Soon, the only place where the crowd wasn’t participating in mosh pit physics was near a wedding DJ wearing a Hawaiian shirt, handing out leis, and dancing to “Celebration.” He was the sort of guy who would have had bully issues in high school, and now was managing to create a bubble of uncomfortableness for the 10-foot radius around his booth. In short, he was awesome.

I was signing up for possibly free hotel stays while Fiancé hit some other booths. By this point, two hours in, we were just signing things in order to get out of this hellishly hot space and back to a safe place where we could imagine puppies and kittens living in harmony.

One such sign in, Fiancé described thusly: “This beautiful woman, real nice, came up to me with a little purple card. She said, ‘Do you want to register for a free honeymoon, two nights, three days in Cancun?’ So I did. I thought nothing of it.”

She said there was some cookware behind the woman, but it seemed haphazard and secondary to the registering for free gifts.

Fiancé: So she asked if I had all these things for the wedding. I was like, “No. No. Nope.” She’s like,  “You should just elope.” I’m like, “Don’t think I haven’t thought about it.” And that was the extent of it.

Me: So she didn’t mention cookware. At all.

Fiancé: No.

Me: At all during this whole conversation?

Fiancé: No. 

We stayed through the runway show, which was an exercise in interesting freeze frame poses and overly choreographed yet sincere male dancing numbers. We left feeling drained, overwhelmed, and a little bit vomity.

Two days later, Fiancé received a call from a company called Simplicity Gourmet telling her she won a honeymoon vacation to Cancun.

I was skeptical, and a quick search of the company confirmed my skepticism. They sell very highly priced cookware, and everyone that has ever signed up or perhaps even tried on a dress at the wrong bridal shop gets a free vacation from this company.

Online, there are many sites that say this is a scam. I don’t know if this is a scam in the strict sense of the word, and I don’t think they are doing anything illegal, but there are several things I noticed while researching:

A.     Their website has pages for shopping online and gift registry that are under construction. They’ve been under construction since I first looked in January. It’s now nearly May. It seems like a good bet that these particular pages on their website are perpetually under construction, because who in their right mind would order this stuff without someone in front of them extolling the virtues of the cookware?

B.     Many people on chat rooms complain about this company, or talk about getting the cookware. Several say they will be going on the vacation and will report when they get back. No one ever does. Some do say they enjoy the cookware.

In our case, the free vacation was topped off with a free gourmet meal cooked in our very own home! Fiancé described the phone call to me:

Fiancé: I said, “Is someone going to come here to sell me something?” “No, no. You don’t have to buy anything.”

Me: I don’t think that’s what you asked.

Fiancé: What?

Me: That’s not what you asked. But ok.

Fiancé: Yeah. You’re right. That isn’t what I asked. Wow. Tricky motherfuckers! They totally spun the language on me. Completely. I feel so screwed!

And:

Fiancé: So I was excited; we really won. Then I said, because I’m ridiculous, “Do you really like your job?” He’s like, “What?” I was like, “Do you like your job because all day long you get to call people and tell them that they won stuff?” He goes, “Well… kind of.”

Me: Some honesty.

Fiancé: Yes. “I only get to call the select few with good news.”

Me: So he didn’t want to admit that that’s all they do all day. That there’s some other job he has that takes up more of his time.

Fiancé: Yeah. We’re the chosen select few.

Me: So you had some inkling that we weren’t the only people they were calling.

Fiancé: No. I never did. I thought we really won. He made me believe him. He had this southern charm. Then he got giggly about it.

Neither Fiancé nor I had ever been a part of such a high-pressure sales tactic before, and we were both nervous about it. Scared about what might happen, I decided that this would make a good experience and told Fiancé as much. I’d been starving for something worth writing about for months. She supported this decision, to my surprise, and agreed to have this person come over and cook for us. The person on the phone had supplied directions and a brief menu for the meal.

Fiancé: He said, “I need you to provide the dishes and beverages.” He said it would be chicken breast. I said, “That would go with a lovely white wine.” … Stop looking at me!

Me: What?

Fiancé: You are giving me the “I can’t believe you are talking to a stranger” look. I’m unemployed! I have no one to talk to! Oh my God, I talked about how I liked sweet wine!

Me: So you are talking to a complete stranger about your love of wine.

As the day approached, I asked my brother and his wife to join us for this dinner. I was completely open about what it was. That this would be a high-pressure sales event for 90 minutes, and that I would most likely write about it. I wanted their help and perspective for the article. I secretly believed that having them there would help keep my guard up in the face of unknown sales tactics. Even my own brother decided not to sit through a free dinner to help me. That’s the power this type of sales event has over people.

I called Valley News Live and talked to the person there in charge of the bridal show. She said that one other person had e-mailed about this situation. She said she had been at the bride show last year as a bride and went through the cookware presentation. “Every name they get gets a honeymoon,” she said. “If you take advantage of the free trip, they cover the cost of the hotel. You have to pay fees. It’s just a marketing technique they use.”

Valley News Live saw no issue with inviting a company with what some would consider dubious sales practices into their Fargo event. Simplicity Gourmet was the only company from outside the three-state-region to have a booth there. But hey, you could use the same adjectives for Men’s Warehouse and David’s Bridal. I’m still getting calls from them on a weekly basis. Much of the whole wedding industry seems dubious, but Simplicity Gourmet isn’t in the wedding business. They are targeting young couples at bridal shows who are already working to pay for a wedding and get a solid start on their marriages. These couples are full of American Dream hopes and perhaps easily duped into thinking that it won’t happen without this cookware.

Although we are a little bit older than recent college graduates, Fiancé and I are in that same boat – trying desperately to get a toehold on our future together. We’re vulnerable, bootless, and we just invited a cobra to dinner.

Next time: Part two: In which I grill my Fiancé about how this dinner touches on all our hopes and fears