The nerd cleavage bonanza

I've been to the Renaissance Festival twice before. The first time I was about 14, with my family. I remember my sister crying from how sore her feet got, she even had to get molded inserts for her shoes to help her feet grow correctly after that. The second time, I was 22, and went with some friends. We watched glass blowing for about a half hour. I don't remember much else.

This year, some friends who are die-hard fans of the fest had some free tickets. Fiance needed a day off for herself, so this was the perfect opportunity to have me babysat for the day. My friends get rather decked out for the fest, complete with doublets, feathered leather hat, knee high boots, leather gauntlets, etc. My friend was even asked to have his picture taken by a stranger who said she wanted her fiancé to dress up like him for her wedding.  I have no such accoutrements, and went in my normal clothes. I tried to refer to myself as in full costume as "the Doctor." The joke didn't go over well with them. Le sigh.

Things I learned at Ren Fest:

1.       People in medieval timey England were fond of eating foods like turkey legs, ale, cider, onion rings, cheese curds, pizza, soda, and a rustic treat called "funnel cakes"

2.       The inhabitants of this time in history were likely to wear either chain mail and swords even when not actively participating in combat.

3.       Other inhabitants liked to dress up as if they were pirates from hundreds of years in the future with a liking for eyeliner.

4.       People who sell pickles were often shirtless.

5.       Some people earned a living asking for money to insult the person paying them.

6.       In England during this time period, fairies were often found wandering the streets with flutes or soap bubbles. I imagine they died out from plague or famine, being unable to use English to ask for food or money. It is too bad that fairies do not live yet today.

7.       People in the 1600s really loved pewter things. Especially if it involved dragons.

8.       They also loved staffs, being experts in both walking and in the martial arts.

9.       Ye olden times were known for relaxation, often in suspended canvas chairs that swung from a peg in the ceiling.

10.   The silk-screen shirt began in England.

11.   Outside every village was a sea of vehicles driven by internal combustion engine.

12.   Port a potties were plentiful and well used.

I did have a good time watching the falconer, some vilification tennis where the actors sling ya mamma jokes with devastating acuity, and looking for a nice necklace for the fiancé. While waiting at one of the ye olde timey ATM machines, I overheard the following conversation between what sounded like a 20 something man and his mother.

Mother: What are you doing?

Man: Waiting for the ATM.

Mother: Here, let me be your ATM. Here's 40 bucks.

Man: That's OK. I'll just wait.

Mother: Those things are a rip off. You'll pay 5 dollars to get 20.

Man: That's OK.

Mother: Just take the 40 bucks. Let's go.

Man: I'll just wait here.

Mother: What did you want to get?

Man: A turkey leg.

Mother: I'll get it for you, come on.

Man: You do that. I'll wait here.

This went on for three more escalating minutes until the guy gave up and left.

The weather was wonderful for the day, and by 4, I was extremely tired. The toddler with us got fairy dusted (sprinkled with glitter), which thereafter contaminated the rest of us for a fun education in plague.

Lastly, I'm a nerd myself, so I feel comfortable saying this, but I've never seen so many nerds together at once. It was like a convention of the outcasts from "Wet Hot Crazy Summer." People carried swords with abandon. Women sported outfits that barred midriffs and spilled cleavage without prejudice all over the streets of yore.

Men wore kilts and cloaks without fear of reprisal. People let their nerd flags fly, and it was glorious.