Cell Phones will KILL us all

I have this theory. Not supported by facts. Just a gut feeling

Cell phones will kill us all.

Dead.

It’s not as if they haven’t warned us about them for years. Notice how a cell phone has helped to make this woman completely oblivious to violent horrors. This one starts so sexy you worry about your mother walking in, but trust me, stick around and you'll see what I mean.

Not only are they distracting us. They will start to kill us.

They might rain death from the sky:

Be used as weapons to kill each other while Britney Spears sings in the background.

Or, hell, they might just start shooting though the atmosphere and kill left and right in what is not even the most ridiculously violent cell phone commercial I’ve seen. Considering the events of the last few weeks, I'm betting people at Motorola wish they'd never done this one. In fact, I have trouble believing it's a real ad or someone's spoof. It's got to be a spoof, right? Right? I'm too lazy to find out.

This observation was prompted by seeing an ad a few weeks ago where the guy’s heart was replaced by a cell phone or something. It's called Droid DNA, and if this shit doesn't scare you, I don't know what will




Now, there's a fucking reason that this shit did not fly in the Matrix universe. Yet here it is presented as some sort of "bonus" to your cell phone prowess. What the shit sort of universe do we live in now where we are meant to identify with the smug guys who share shit between their phones like video of santa falling off a stair banister and really messing his internal organs so bad his mother wouldn't recognize them (sidenote: Little known fact, we are all just little organ farms for our parents, so they are very familiar with them)





 I’ve always wondered what the hell is up with uber violent ads for cell phones, or creepy ads where computer arms interact with the phones. I don’t know what the hell these ads are trying to say that’s positive. They seem more like a warning.

I avoided cell phones until I had to get one for a job. Then I’ve kept it low tech. I have a dumb phone. I don’t use it to go online. I use it to call and text. Sometimes I take really crappy pics with it, but beyond that, nothing. I enjoy having a cell phone, but don’t care about the high tech ones.

I was at lunch with coworkers and one of the more tech saavy guys saw me pull out my phone to check the time, and made a comment about being old school. Yes. And when your phones start to kill you or the rest of humanity, I will be here, hiding. 

Got wife to watch Blink

So I'm a bit of a Dr. Who fan. first episode I remember is a vague recollection of the Tom Baker version on PBS when I was hanging out at a friend's house in 7th grade. His dad watched it. I noted it, and it stuck in whatever brain cavity things from that time period stick in that you can recall decades later, cause I don't remember shit about ANY OTHER watching habits of parents of friends, or even the friends themselves.

Then many years later, I was flipping around the channels and caught an episode of the reboot, the one where Rose meets her father on the day he died. It's pretty nuts, and I remember thinking "Wow, that guy from Shallow Grave is in this." Since that is what Christopher Eccleston was to me.  I also saw the second episode around that time, must have been a marathon or something that day on PBS.

A couple years go by, I hear things, and Dr. Who shows up on netflix or something, so I check it out. And I soon get hooked.

I've been raving about it ever since meeting the wife. I also raved about Lost and Battlestar Galactica. She watched them, enjoyed bits, and hated other bits. She really loathes having spent so much time on Lost, as the only redeeming factor was Desmond/Penny to her. But she keeps trying, and I keep trying her stuff.

I hesitated watching Big Bang Theory and The New Girl, but I am thoroughly hooked by those shows after some time (although Big Bang Theory is a season or two behind, since we don't get TV really, and their show isn't easily available for people who like to use Netflix, Hulu+, Amazon Prime, and Redbox - so yeah, it's my fault that I don't watch the ONE thing they are available on).

Wife even made a wedding vow to watch Doctor Who with me. This was not prompted by me at all. This was what she came up with.

We slogged through. She had me fast forward the nightmare enducing parts, like the WWII gas mask two parter. If it's creepy as fuck and gross to boot, she doesn't want to play.

So she's decided after a season and a half of Tennant and she wants to skip ahead to the next doctor. She just doesn't like Tennant like she did Eccelston, and she's seen some of Smith. Before we can do that, I said, there are a few key episodes you still have to see. Blink and Silence in the Library I think, since they introduce major additions to the Whoniverse. We'll miss out on the Master's intro, but seriously I think if wife saw the head spider things that come from that one and I wouldn't be able to get her to sit through another episode ever. He hasnt' been an issue in the Smith years anyway, so no worries. (I know jumping ahead is sacrilege to some people, but screw you, did you start with the first episode 50 years ago and watch every one in order? No you didn't cause that isn't possible unless you are British and old, and if that's the case why the hell are you reading my blog?)

Here's a bit about Blink for the uninitiated:


Tonight, after a day of cooking, wrapping gifts, cleaning and more chores, we sat down and watched Blink while wife did some online shopping for gifts. First 25 minutes, she wasn't into it. After hearing from me and others that it was THE BEST episode, she was not impressed.

Just Like McKayla

So after the needling, I asked her to hey, tone it down, and put down the computer, let me rub your legs, and let's close out the last 13 minutes. 

And she loved it. 

Yeah, it's that good. 

Tonight I saw Crazy

Tonight I saw crazy. Wife and I left work and on the way home, I convinced her we should just stop at the grocery store and get her a flu shot. I already had mine a month ago, but she was a walking target, and she's hard enough to take care of when she has a cold.

The ladies at the grocery store pharmacy thought it was funny that I was "making" her get one, as wife put it.

After the shot, we had to linger around the store for 10 minutes to make sure wife didn't have a crazy reaction to the shot. Unfortunately, they told her the side effects that could happen, so for the next ten minutes, wife kept telling me her lips were tingling and that she was feeling weak.

We got some coffee creamer, energy drinks, and much needed toilet paper as we are down to our last rolls. We were discussing whether we should get buns or not when it happened.

This 40 something blonde woman with a cart and 12 pack of soda comes up into the bread area. "Hey, excuse me!"

She's talking to another woman that's near us.

"Excuse me, but you have no right to hit my car like that."

Obviously, shit was going to go down. I didn't get a look at the other woman. The 40 something blonde was well dressed with a long black coat and looked "Businessy." That's the only term I can think of to describe her. She was talking on about the parking lot.

Wife and I, being highly non-confrontational creatures except with each other and our families, scooted down the way a bit and out of ear shot. I had my back to them. Wife kept watching them over my shoulder. Not long after, the blonde woman came by again, her wheeled cart bumped my hand cart. She was looking at my wife.

"Nutcase."

She was looking for some sort of comraderie with the wife. But she wasn't getting it. Wife and I moved on. Wife had forgotten about any tingling lips and faintness she had been experiencing.

As with everything that isn't fiction, there were two things that stuck with me.

One, the woman had taken the time between whatever had happened in the parking lot and then to get a cart, grab a 12 pack of soda, and then track the other woman down in the bakery. WHO DOES THAT!?

Two, the best she could come up with during all that time was "You have no right to hit my car."

Me to wife while driving home: "I mean, really, what do you say to that?"

I told wife this is why I want her with me when I leave the house, because things like this are too much for one person to absorb without help.

Wife: "You mean this happens all the time?"

Me: "No, but it happens enough."